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The other day when I was teaching, I handed out a worksheet on adjectives and adverbs to my students. In my current job, I work with adults, teaching reading and writing skills. Everyone needed a little brushing up on adjectives and adverbs, so I thought we could do the worksheet together.

The first part of the worksheet instructed the students to turn nouns and verbs into adjectives by adding the correct suffix (for example, beard becomes bearded, or accept becomes acceptable).

It took a little while for everyone to catch on, but all the students got the following word and suffix correct:

alcohol + -ic = alcoholic

That’s when I started laughing…and realizing that I had to share the reason I was laughing (otherwise, I just seemed to find the word “alcoholic” amusing, and that could strike my students as decidedly odd). “I’m just making different non-words with other suffixes,” I explained. “Like, ‘alcoholable.’ Or ‘Alcoholing.'” My students just stared at me, and I cleared my throat and moved on to the next word.

Later, I came up with a handful of words that you won’t find in the dictionary but nonetheless apply to my experience with drinking. The list isn’t meant to lessen the impact that drinking took on my life (or on anyone’s life). The words are darkly humorous to me, but they also hit home. So, without further delay, I present…

Robert’s List of New Alcohol-Related Words

  • Alcoholish – (ajd). describing a drink with relatively little alcohol; someone who doesn’t want to describe himself as an alcoholic. “I don’t have a problem with drinking,” Ted told his friends. “I’m just a little alcoholish.”
  • Alcoholing – (v) to enthusiastically ingest alcohol. Mary and Janet were fond of alcoholing before they went out so as to provide a drunken base upon which to build, drink by drink, as the night wore on.
  • Alcoholable – (adj) – any situation that can be improved by/or will contain alcohol. “We can have the meeting anytime this weekend,” Hannah said, “but let’s make it somewhere alcoholable.”
  • Alcoholsome – (n) Three or four more people engaged in serious drinking. “They make quite a gruesome alcoholsome,” Greg said of the three bridesmaids stumbling across the dance floor.
  • Alcoholened – (adj) Someone who has consumed so much alcohol over his or her life as to be visibly and negatively impacted by it. If there was ever an rough, alcoholened man to serve as a warning to others, it was Stephen.

** BONUS REAL WORD!! CLICK HERE TO LEARN THE DEFINITION OF “CRAPULOUS”!!

Are there any other words you can think of to add to the lexicon of invented drinking words? I would say, “Hey, the old me would have made this a drinking game!” except 99.9 percent of the time I drank alone. And, to be clear, I didn’t need a game to get drunk as fast as possible. Drinking games were for amateurs. Sheesh.

Happy sober Friday, good people. As you were.

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3 thoughts on “Alcoholable? Alcoholed? Alcoholsome?!?

  1. Omg this just made me belly laugh! I love these words!

    I have to get in on the action…and for the record drinking games always baffled me. I was very capable of getting shitfaced without spinning bottles or whatever they do these days.

    Alcoholicious – (adj) – A delicious alcoholic beverage.
    Alcohollory– (n) – An establishment where one can purchase and consume a lot of alcohol

    Liked by 1 person

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